Tears

Right now I am in a peak of depression. We didn't end up going snowboarding today. Bruce was supposed to pick me up at 6am so I got up at 5am after not falling asleep until 3:30am. I got ready and everything and called Bruce at 6:15am because he still wasn't here. He ended up calling me back at 7am saying he was just leaving because he had a "long night." I was extremely pissed. He finally got here at 8am and it was snowing heavily. He was extremely hung over and worried about driving his car upstate in the snow because his tires are really bad.

We sat at my apartment for a little bit until he decided that he didn't want to drive. We passed out until 11am and by that time the snow stopped but it was too late to drive up there. We wouldn't have even gotten to the mountain until around 1pm. We hung out at my place for a little while and listened to some music until deciding to go get something to eat. He drove us into Williamsburg and we had brunch at a place called Peter's Since 1969. They served an awesome brunch that came with mimosas, coffee, and salad and we both got eggs over sauteed spinach and feta. It was delicious. I was a little sad while we were there because we haven't seen each other in a month and a half and things are just not the same. I had to leave the restaurant and step outside at one point to compose myself. I was able to get it together and we finished brunch just fine. Afterwards we went to Buffalo Exchange, which is next to JUNK. I had never been there before. I got a cool pair of peacock feather earrings and Bruce got a nice jacket and a few shirts.

When we came back to my apartment we decided to watch Vanilla Sky. That is one of my favorite movies and I hadn't watched it in a long time. It really kinda messes with your head. Afterwards Bruce left and I kinda lost it. The movie left me pretty depressed since it's kind of about the ability to find true happiness in life and right now I am not feeling so happy. I have been sort of depressed since Bruce and I started talking again. It's hard to talk and hang out with your ex when things just aren't the same because you both haven't healed from the past. After he left I started crying hysterically. I always throw myself into this type of depression when it comes to this kind of stuff. I feel like absolute crap right now. I wish that I could be in a lucid dream like Tom Cruise in that movie. In my dream, everything would just go back to the way it was. I know that cannot happen... maybe in another life when we are both cats.